It has been a while since I have felt beautiful. I mean REALLY beautiful. When I say a while, I mean since about 2007 or 2008. I have my moments when I feel great, but it has been here and there. In Hawaii I worked at a pool, so I was in my bathing suit everyday and my hair was wet all week except for sundays. I worked 5-6 days a week and went to school too. When Sean and I went out to dinner or to a holiday party I got all dulled up and felt wonderful. It really boosted my self-esteem and held me over til the next time I spent time on myself. Before then I used to get my hair done, my nails done, my eyebrows waxed and buy new clothes all the time. Well, priorities change...I would rather do my own nails, do my own hair, and wear the clothes I have to save time and money. I would rather that money go towards a home, a working car, surprising Sean with something, or getting Jaiden a little something! I don't mind getting something every once in a while for myself, but feel guilty when I do. I have no reason to feel guilty because Sean encourages me to get something for myself, get my hair done, my nails done, and go out with friends. But I don't.
I don't take the time anymore. I don't take the time to blow dry my hair, even do my own nails, wax my eyebrows, and most of the time I don't even put on makeup. I have the time in there somewhere, I just have to make it and put forth more effort. I feel I need to look good for myself and in return will feel better each day about everything I do and I know Sean would like it too. I know he loves and thinks I am beautiful no matter what, but I think sometimes I frighten him. I have come to the conclusion I have let myself go a little. Way more then I thought I would. I am not at "rock bottom" but I don't try. I want to try. I want to try for me, for Sean, and to show Jaiden that I care about myself too.
Starting tomorrow I will try. I will start with blow drying my hair. Then I will put on makeup. All before Jaiden wakes up at 7:15am. Tonight, I will paint my toe nails! I long to have my long brown hair back again and think about getting highlights done again. I am just not willing to spend $100 plus on my hair when my brown shiny hair is just great to me. It's not all about the money at all. I like to splurge, I would just rather splurge on a fun vacation with my family or put it towards something else. So tomorrow is a new start on me. My goal is to have my hair done nice, makeup on, and be nicely dressed 3 times this week. Sad? Well, 3 times a big for me. Especially now when my first trimester of being tired is catching up to me in the third. I didn't sleep much the first trimester and that's all I wanna do now. Here we go and wish me luck!!!
Perhaps I will get my nails done in December sometime. Maybe every other month or so and then just do them myself the rest of the time.
I LONG for my long hair back. Can't wait for it to get there. Wish it would grow faster.
I look forward to feeling great in a good pair of jeans. I have a lot of work ahead of me after this pregnancy, but I feel I can do it.
~Let's do this!
6 comments:
Tiff, I was so surprised to read this Tiff because I always thought you looked so good and was dressed so cute! Even without Make-up you are beautiful but I totally understand all this, I think every mom feels this way! It is hard to put yourself first. I pretty much only blow dry my hair for Church!! Miss you guys!
Not just every mom, but every woman. I have been in a lull since this summer. I've been a little depressed. I haven't shown it much except for not taking care of myself in the ways you mention. It's small and most people probably don't notice very much, but I do. I notice, and that's what matters. I've made a decision that I'm going to try too. Curl my hair more, put on make-up--try and doll up a bit more since I just haven't done it at all lately.
Good luck! Let's support each other!
so funny! i was totally feeling similarly like two days ago! I don't feel beautiful anymore. 30 lbs heavier than before i got pregnant with my 2nd. don't spend time on myself, but i'm gonna do this with you!!! 3 days this week hair blown dry make up on and a cute outfit too! so here's the kicker. now we're doing it together you have to send me a picture! and we should find a community college that could do our toes and nails for cheap. (maybe just toes, nails with in experienced nail techs can be scary :0 any way i love you tiff!
You Can Do It! love ya
It's important!! and so easy to let to put other things ahead of self pampering. I have to remind myself about once a month to even pluck or paint my nails. You're hot anyways!
Welcome to motherhood.. where mom always comes last!
You will find your way, you will find your groove where it is okay to not do your makeup or paint your toes. As long as you are happy, it is all okay. If you find that you aren't happy with it anymore, then it is time for a change! Give yourself some time (like a year or 2) after the baby comes to feel bad about not being in shape and the perfect you that you think you need to be.
MANY hugs for you! I miss you and your cute smile when I was having a tough day!
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